My daughter is a dancer. I hate dance!

Okay, anyone who knows me or has been reading this blog for any period of time would probably say, "What do you mean? You love dance! You work for the studio. You do costumes. You drive ballerinas to classes and intensives all year. You support your daughter in everything she does. How can you say you hate dance?"

It's December.

 

 

Any dance mom would respond, "Oh. Well of course. That explains everything. December. Yeah. That's the pits." For the rest of you ... here's a little background.

 

 

December is probably the biggest performance month of the year. Not only are dancers doing huge performances of The Nutcracker, A Christmas Carol, Amahl and the Night Visitors, or any of a thousand themed recitals ... there are also tons of community events that said dancers are invited to perform at. Gotta share those talents. Gotta promote the studio. It's a huge time committment.

 

 

The ballerina in question is now dancing 25+ hours a week. This week the total was 32 hours. This is in addition to school (and her junior high thinks that December is the month for big projects - oh, how I hate them), and life in general. This weekend I haven't seen my daughter since Saturday at 9 am, when I dropped her off at rehearsal. It is now Sunday afternoon. The girls decided to have a dance sleepover so they could celebrate one of the dancer's birthday PLUS get to the studio to work on sets today. I admire her work ethic. I really do.

 

 

But, I hate dance.

 

 

It's the holidays. I yearn to do all those family traditions. She's at dance. The church youth group has holiday activities scheduled. She's at dance. Her non-dancing friends want her to come to support them at concerts and performances. She's at dance. Her room/bathroom is about to become a Super Fund Cleanup Site. She's at dance. We want to watch some holday movies. She's at dance. We want to decorate the house. She's at dance. We want to make Christmas goodies for our neighbors and family. She's at dance. Today I gathered two loads of laundry from her bedroom floor. Get the idea? I want my daughter back.

 

 

Okay, I know that come December 15th, I will be one of the proudest moms at their performance. My daughter is not just a dancer anymore, she's one of the studio principles, AND she also is a teaching assistant. This is a new production, which easily quadrupled the work load of putting it on. If I am being honest, I must admit to myself that my case of dance resentment is a result of what is going on in our family as well. During the past five weeks I have taken my sister to the ER three times and my mother twice. As the primary caretaker for both of them, I am feeling overwhelmed. Dance has robbed me of my best helper, and quite frankly one of the few rays of sunshine to be had lately. Dance is also becoming a metaphor for my daughter growing up and away from me, which is something I am struggling with at the moment.

 

Do I really hate dance? No, because it's my daughter's passion and she loves it. When she steps out on the boards next Saturday, my heart will explode in pride. However, there's still going to be that selfish little mom in my heart screaming "Bring on December 16th! I want my baby back!" So, until then I will just keep plugging away as "support staff." But from December 16th to January 2nd, she is MINE! MINE! MINE!



Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving All!

 



I am so grateful for so many things.  Today I'm going to be specific though.  I am thankful for a chance to step away from the world.  That's right, I will not be joining all those folks already queing up at stores all over town.  I think today should be a time to celebrate being thankful for what we have ... not focusing on acquiring more.  Call me the "anti-consumer" if you wish, but that is how I feel.  I think it's criminal that Thanksgiving has been usurped by Black Friday.  Absolutely shameful ... and I totally mean that. 

I am currently quite sick, so I have really appreciated a certain 14-year-old who has showed a great deal of compassion and helped me out.  The pies are done.  The turkey is stuffed and cooking.  The squash rolls are done.  The cranberries are currently bubbling in the pot (well on the way to being done).   All that remains is smashing potatoes and making my Mystic Seaport green/wax beans with a mustard sauce.  Our Thanksgiving is down to just our immediate family this year (thanks to Bailee and I being sick).  I'm trying to keep it simple ... and it has been a very good thing.  Thoreau had it right!

The sun is shining today (yesterday was cold and very windy).  There's still a stiff breeze, but nothing like yesterday.  I'd rather have a snowy day reminiscent of the days of my youth.  This makes travel easier, I know, so I won't grouse too much.  Still, I like it when winter weather wraps us up in a fluffy blanket and slows us down.  We need to slow down.  We need to stop running around and concentrate on what's right in front of us.  We forget that all too often.

So -  today is all about slowing down and appreciating the blessings of family.  I hope you have the opportunity to do the same.

A Sigh of Relief

Just a quick note:

The education reforms in our state (Propositions 1, 2, and 3) went down in a crashing defeat on election day.  A mandate from the people of our state to go back and reformat reform that included input from all stakeholders.

A collective sigh of relief was given by one and all.

The hard work of reform now begins (with the first meeting of the Education Task Force being held this Wednesday), but I am thrilled that, this time around, everyone - from parents, to teachers, to students will have a voice.

Lake Wobegon Girl

I wasn't born in Minnesota ... but I consider myself a Minnesotan.  My parents (and a LONG line of ancestors) called Minnesota home.  Despite growing up in Montana (where my dad was transferred with the Northern Pacific Railroad), our parents raised us with Minnesotan sensibilities and all things Minnesota infused our daily life.  They sought out foods and products that were familiar.  Land O Lakes butter was a staple, and our mother was always on the lookout for Creamettes salad macaroni.

Tuna hotdish was a frequent item on the dinner menu, along with green jello and a variety of other casseroles. 

 

I never really thought much about it until our uncle treated us to a visit to a taping of "A Prairie Home Companion" when we went for a visit one summer.  This introduction to Lake Wobegon was like coming home.  It was a world I understood.  I "got" all the jokes.  I chuckled because my relatives could have been any one of the characters Garrison Keillor brought to life.

 

It has been a staple in my life ever since.  First, as a planned visit to NPR on Saturday evenings ... and later as tapes, books, and CDs.  Most recently, I discovered a phone app - NPR Life Culture which features News from Lake Wobegon.  Heaven!

 

So, if you'll excuse me ... I'm off for a visit to my second home, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all of the children are above average.  I may even eat a Powder Milk Biscuit while I'm at it! 

Daylight Savings Time - My Love/Hate Relationship

Time to fall back.  Some folks refer to the spring counterpart as "springing forward."  I refer to it as "falling forward."  On your face.  Hard.  I hate messing with the time.

So, you would think that I would love this time change.  I tolerate it better, but I still hate it.  I don't like seeing the sun set before 5:00 p.m.  It depresses me.  Of course, going to work when it is pitch dark out and kids are walking to school with flashlights is ridiculous too.  Lose-lose in my book.

Yup Cheri, whine and moan.  What's your solution?  Believe it or not, I have one.  A good one!  Give us every drop of light at night that we can get.  Don't fall back.  Okay?  That solves the whole sickeningly early sunset issue.

On the other end, don't mess with the clocks - change the schedules!  Let's all start work and school an hour later.  Perfection, right?  You know you secretly love the idea.  Sleep in an extra hour in the morning.  Go to work in the daylight.  Enjoy some extra daylight at night. 

Of course, no one listens to me.  Apparently Ben Franklin has more street cred than yours truly.  I still like my idea though ...

 

We all need a little more time to hibernate

during the winter!



So What if These Education "Reforms" Pass

Our state is embroiled in a heavy debate regading education reform.  This reform was sprung on people out of the blue - no mention of it was made during the election of the state superintendent.  These three propositions basically did away with all master agreements between teachers and districts, striped them of tenure (and any other rights), allowed teachers to only discuss pay and benefits, introduced a merit pay system that had to be earned by teams (based on state test results) and could only be earned by teachers in certain areas (others need not apply), would provide laptops to all ninth graders, and would require students to take online classes in high school.

Teachers and parents have protested, because they were given no input on these reforms.  Hundreds traveled to the state capital to comment on these bills - but their voices were ignored.  Parents organized and spent months getting petitions signed to put the bills up for a vote.  They succeeded, and the propositions are now on the ballot.

To say that things have gotten ugly is an understatement.  Frank Vandersloot, the owner of Melaleuca, has led the charge against "union thugs who are trying to take over Idaho's education."  This thugs (the classroom teachers) have been accused of horrible things ... I just read a commentary that said the union thugs embraced bullying others, picketing businesses, and even said they were capable of murdering their opposition.  Whoa.  I didn't realize that kindergarten teacher with the puppets was worse than the Mafia!

I have been trying to understand why people are so hateful about this, and I can only come up with the notion that Mr. Vandersloot is so afraid of his own workers unionizing that he is fearful of any organized group of employees having any say at all.  Of course, most of the supporters of the Vote No group are parents, but they're probably pretty dangerous too.

I'm voting no because I believe teacher's should have a say in what goes on in their job.  We don't sign away our first amendment rights when we sign our teaching certificates.

I believe that merit pay should NOT be earned by teams or be based JUST on testing scores.  Every teacher should have an opportunity to earn this, and it should be based on frequent observations of teaching, student engagement, and the effort the teacher  puts into their work.  Testing can play a part, but it should not be the lion's share.  Would you want your worth based on one to four days of your year?  It should be fully and consistently funded (this go round they cut teacher pay to fund it - yes, I know that doesn't make any sense).

I am against the technology strand because it has been so poorly researched.  The state has refused to acknowledge the hidden costs beyond the laptops (no mention of the cost of site licenses, tech support, repair, wiring updates, docking stations for charging, internet support, extra servers, filtering for pornography and viruses, etc.)  The current deal with HP is to RENT the laptops, with the state bearing the liability of loss or breakage.  They are liable for $1100 per computer.  The $51 million price tag that was fed to the legislature last year, has now ballooned to $189 million - again, JUST for the laptops. 

I have no problem with making online classes available, but requiring them of all students is a mistake.  Hundreds of students who have taken online classes have come forward to talk about their experiences.  Some liked the option, while others had terrible experiences and either failed or felt they accomplished nothing.  The state complains about "one size fits all" education systems, but then turns around and tries to enforce the same on our students.  It is also suspicious that the state superintendent's chief election contributors were for profit online education companies. 

So ... what has it been like teaching under these laws for the past year?  Horrid.  The voices of teachers have been silenced.  My sister's district even imposed a gag order, forbidding the teachers to discuss or complain about the propositions with anyone (even one another) while on school property. They could not wear anything that could be interpreted as political, nor display anything politically related on their vehicles. We no longer have a say in anything.  We are dictated to.  Teacher's live in fear, because one false move or word could cost you your job.  You feel entirely vulnerable. 

My team performed very well on the state tests (with proficiency levels running from 90to 100%) with the exception of one teacher - who scored in the 70s.  This failure reflected on all of us and cost us dearly.  A bitter pill to swallow during these tough economic times ... and especially dire after five years of budget freezes and cuts.  It's hard to accept that 4 days dictates your value and future.  I also have a hard time accepting these multiple choice tests as a true representation of my student's ability.  In my opinion, the questions are poorly written and vague at times.  It is more important to me that my students are able to apply what they have learned to real life situations and problems.

My own daughter is balking at the prospect of taking online classes (how boring!) and is saying she will refuse to do so.  Okay, obviously she's been taught about Thoreau and civil disobedience by her junior high teachers. 

So ... what if the uber right, anti-union, anti teacher faction is successful and these laws are retained?  I am praying they are not.  Obviously, things will get even worse for teachers.  We've dared to stand up and oppose the state machine, and there's no doubt we will be punished for doing so (yes, sadly this has happened before, after teachers marched on the state capital.  An act of defiance we paid for  dearly).  Our best teachers will leave.  Many are already preparing to do so, just in case.  But what about me?  Let's make this personal.  One teacher ... one family.

I will leave teaching in this state.  I will qualify to retire under the Rule of 90, and I will take that option.  I had intended to teach 5-10 more years.  I love teaching.  Unfortunately, I no longer love teaching in the state of Idaho.  My gut reaction is to put the house up for sale and relocate our family to Washington state.  The only thing that stands in the way of this decision is my daughter's love for her friends and her dance studio.  She still has four more years of school.

I am concerned for my fellow teachers.  The level of stress teachers are under is horrific.  I have talked to many colleagues who are experiencing severe stress related illnesses and conditions.  When doctors are recommending "getting out of teaching" as a treatment, you have to acknowledge that something is very wrong.  As much as we love this profession, a job is not worth dying for.

What the Heck! Where did the last few months go?

I get irritated when I am following a blog and people don't update ... for a month ... for months ... for an entire season, or two.  I'm sure you get the idea.  You check back, and there is the same old OLD news.  I hate it. 

And now I'm guilty.  As charged.  Lock me up.  Throw away the key.  Force me to blog.

Of course, like most guilty parties, I will scream out

"Please!  Let me explain!"

 

Sorry sister.  No excuses for you!

 

But, but, but ...

• School started in August!  It was crazy demanding.  They added a ton of new programs and requirements.  I thought I would die.  I thought I would lose my mind.
• My sister has been having trouble with kidney stones.  Ya gotta step up and help, right?
• My mom is ... well, this is the harder one.  She's aging.  There are more physical issues, of course.  No big.  Totally prepared to deal with that.  She finally quit hating us for not letting her drive.  Praise God, 'cause that one was tough.  However, I am not ready to deal with the mental aspect of aging.  I don't want to.  I hate it.  She gets so confused sometimes, and she forgets so many things.  She gets angry at us for not telling her things.  But we did.  Usually several times.  It's especially hard on the resident teenager.  She responds by getting angry.  I can understand that.  It's a grief response.  Her grandmother is changing, and that sucks.  Luckily, and believe me when I say I am hanging on to this one, she is not suffering from the BIG A or full on dementia.  This may stink, but it could be so much worse.  I'm starting to accept that I am changing roles with my mom.  I am becoming her caretaker now ... making sure that she is safe and making sure that the important things are monitored and remembered.  Not fun, but it is part of the circle of life, and I can't change that.
• The whole political thing has made life stressful.  Our state is facing a recall vote on some education reforms that were rushed through the legislature in 2011.  I've been writing about that in other venues, and I've been speaking out about the foolishness of these laws.  I have to tell you, I have seen some true ugliness from people I thought knew better.  Teachers have been demonized and villified.  Very demoralizing. 
• The resident 14 year-old ballerina is dancing non-stop.  She is now working as a teaching assisstant at her studio - her first real job.  She's having a ball, but it sure has complicated our lives when it comes to arranging transportation (she now has to be at the studio before I get home from work) and getting homework done.  There have definitely been a few rough patches, and some poor math grades because she was rushing through assignments, but I think we're getting this under control.  I've discovered that I have to swallow my pride and reach out for help when I need it.  Bless those angels who have come through for me!
• My three jobs have returned to two for a little while.  My copywriting job for the campground association is a victim of the seasonal nature of the association.  I am actually okay with that.  I can use the extra time ... and we've been having problems with our computer lately.  It's all good.
• My favorite principal of all time has just been reassigned to the huge new high school that will open next year.  I am thrilled for her.  She's going to do an amazing job.  I am selfishly devastated.  I'm going to miss working with her, and I hate to think about what our school will be like without her.
• I've been in charge of our school-wide reading incentive program.  Like a fool, I started it off with a huge kickoff assembly that nearly killed me.  Whew!  The good part is that the program is perking right along.  The bad part, it's time to give the kids another "shot in the arm" to keep them going.  Time to pull another rabbit from my hat.
• Yards and gardens have to be dealt with.  With Sister Kidney Stone, Grandma, and Ballerina Bailee, that has left the kiddo in the mirror to deal.   Ick.  I'd like to say that I'm done, but that would be a baldfaced lie.  I still have some things to do, but I'm forced to working in between snowstorms now.  I'm focused on Monday and Tuesday - with temps around 60 degrees predicted.  I will get this thing done!
• I have turned into the Scrooge of Halloween.  When my sis asked about what we were going to do about the trick-or-treaters (meaning of course, "What delightful treat will we be passing out this year?"); I replied, "Let's just turn off the porch light."  See?  Really Scroogey!  (Honestly, is that a word?  If not, it should be.)

So, can I get some form of forgiveness?  Something?  Anything?  I promise that I'll attempt to do better.  Don't give up on me.  It could be worse.  I have another blogging friend who hasn't updated since March.  See, I really am not so bad ... by comparison.  Of course, I refuse to acknowledge my other blogging buddies who update every day.  Such overachievers!  Sheesh.